The Italian Screwjob is the fourth book of The Many Travails of John Smith. That means more adventures for our affable everyman, more supernatural hijinks, more drama, trauma, and Obama (technically, anyway… the book is set in 2015), and especially more of the chapter subtitles readers know and love.
You know what I’m talking about:
I’ve written in the past that a part of me regrets ever having used chapter subtitles for this series1, but the fact is, readers like them, and I’m always here for my readers2! So, The Italian Screwjob will add another fifty-nine subtitles to the ever-growing3 list! As usual, I’ve previewed those subtitles below, so you all have a chance to guess at what on earth (if anything) they might mean for the story you’ll be reading in roughly twelve days. Warning, mild but also frequently inscrutable spoilers might be involved!
Without futher ado, here we go:
- IN WHICH PRIVACY LAWS AND OFFICE HOURS ARE EQUALLY IGNORED
- IN WHICH PACKING AIN’T EASY
- IN WHICH THE BEST FAREWELLS INCLUDE BEER AND DEATH THREATS
- IN WHICH A LONG JOURNEY BEGINS WITH A SHORTER ONE
- IN WHICH THE AIR IS RECYCLED AND THE COMPANY UNPLEASANT
- IN WHICH BEING TRAPPED ON A TINY, EXPLOSIVE TIN CAN NEXT TO A HYPERACTIVE TODDLER IS EVERY BIT AS BAD AS IT SOUNDS
- IN WHICH A SUITCASE BECOMES THE LAST LINE OF DEFENSE
- IN WHICH WOUNDS ARE DRESSED AND MISCONCEPTIONS CORRECTED
- IN WHICH ALL ROADS LEAD TO ROME, UNLESS YOU’RE ALREADY IN ROME
- IN WHICH THE HOMECOMING IS UNEASY
- IN WHICH THE COUNCIL HAS A QUORUM
- IN WHICH A SUITE IS LESS THAN SWEET
- IN WHICH MORNING COMES TOO SOON AND NOT SOON ENOUGH
- IN WHICH THE VAULT AND THE CASE MIGHT BOTH BE AIRTIGHT
- IN WHICH MISCONCEPTION AND MYSTERY BOTH START WITH M
- IN WHICH PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT
- IN WHICH THE ROAD TO HELL IS CONSIDERABLY SHORTER THAN ANY HALLWAY IN THE PALACE
- IN WHICH DOG ISN’T MAN’S BEST FRIEND
- IN WHICH NOBODY GETS OUT OF LIFE ALIVE
- IN WHICH CLOTHING UNMAKES THE MAN
- IN WHICH SPAGHETTI IS NOT ON THE MENU
- IN WHICH NATURE PREVAILS
- IN WHICH INNUENDO IS THE ORDER OF THE DAY
- IN WHICH A PIRATE, A SULTANESS AND A FRATMAN SIT DOWN FOR DINNER
- IN WHICH DINNER HAS MANY COURSES AND ONLY ONE
- IN WHICH AN INTRUSION REVEALS THE UNEXPECTED
- IN WHICH AN HOUR IS NOT ENOUGH
- IN WHICH A RING IS THE THING
- IN WHICH THE MORNING AFTER IS ALL KINDS OF WEIRD
- IN WHICH THERE’S NO I IN MYSTERY
- IN WHICH NOTHING IS AS IT SEEMS
- IN WHICH FAMILY NEEDS NO INTRODUCTION
- IN WHICH ONE GOOD MONSTER DESERVES ANOTHER
- IN WHICH ITALY SUDDENLY FEELS A LOT LIKE HOME
- IN WHICH THE END IS ONCE AGAIN BITTER
- IN WHICH A LIMO ISN’T LARGE ENOUGH FOR TWO
- IN WHICH A PICTURE IS WORTH AT LEAST A FEW DOZEN WORDS
- IN WHICH LUNCH HAS A COST
- IN WHICH IDENTIFYING SUSPECTS IS FAR EASIER THAN IDENTIFYING A KILLER
- IN WHICH MATTERS OF THE HEART ARE RARELY UNDERSTOOD
- IN WHICH A NAGA’S HOUSE IS NOT A HOUSE
- IN WHICH THE MICE WILL PLAY
- IN WHICH BLESSINGS SHOULDN’T BE COUNTED
- IN WHICH SOMETHING IS DEFINITELY ROTTEN… BUT NOT IN DENMARK
- IN WHICH DAWN BRINGS NO RELIEF
- IN WHICH NO NEWS IS BAD NEWS
- IN WHICH THERE ARE NO GOOD NIGHTS
- IN WHICH THE DROUGHT CONTINUES
- IN WHICH JOHN SMITH GOES TO TRIAL
- IN WHICH THE TRIAL STRIKES BACK
- IN WHICH RETROSPECTIVES WILL HAVE TO WAIT
- IN WHICH PEOPLE PLAN AND GODS LAUGH
- IN WHICH ONE REVELATION SUCKS THE AIR OUT OF A ROOM
- IN WHICH THE AFTERMATH IS UNEXPECTED
- IN WHICH HINDSIGHT’S A KILLER
- IN WHICH ONE DOUBLE-CROSS DESERVES ANOTHER
- IN WHICH SPAGHETTI IS FINALLY ATTAINED
- IN WHICH THE WORLD SOMEHOW KEEPS SPINNING
- IN WHICH BAD NEWS DOES NOT ALWAYS TRAVEL QUICKLY ENOUGH
So, fifty-nine subtitles for fifty-nine chapters (not counting interludes and epilogues). What do they mean? Is there a reason spaghetti shows up twice? Why is the mid-twenties John mildly obsessed with Star Wars instead of anime4? I guess we’ll never know.
Okay, technically I already know… and you will too, on the 15th of March. Funny how things work out that way!
Next week, I’ll be back with a hopefully entertaining cast list for The Italian Screwjob, as well as the first five chapters of the book. Until then, stay safe and keep reading!
If you’ve read this far, you’ve got gumption, kid. In fact, you’re just the kind of person that would make an awesome subscriber to my newsletter. Come join the fun!
And by fun, I mean “be alerted when new books are available.” If this site’s blog posts are my monthly, in-depth, fact-heavy shareholders’ reports, the newsletters are my far-less-frequent, carefully crafted pseudo-tweets, skipping all the nitty gritty to tell you what you actually want to know: what’s new and how you can get it.
I promise that I will never spam you… because spamming takes effort, and I am way, way too busy for that.
- tl;dr — coming up with ~25 mildly funny bits is easy… coming up with literally hundreds is less so!
- Seriously… the contact me link is totally functional!
- And hopefully duplicate-free!
- I blame his dad!